Loser Mom

I had a "first" last week that was really humiliating. Sometimes I wonder if people think I am like "The Old Woman Who Lived In a Shoe" with so many children not knowing what to do. I actually get a lot of really, really crusty, mean looks when I have all the kids with me out and about. And I've heard all the idiotic jokes about family size, unwanted helpful suggestions, and social commentary I can handle. But I did something last week that would have been worthy of people's scorn.

I was giving Zachary his haircut. Keep in mind with 5 boys, I have given literally hundreds of haircuts over the years. They've always been good. I've never really messed up. It had been more than 6 weeks since his last one, so he was particularly fluffy. Zachary didn't want to sit still for this haircut, so Mark was assisting me. He got my other clippers out, plugged them in and was turning them on and off to let Zachary see that they were nothing to be afraid of. I was zooming through the haircut, and had just finished the back and ears, and was ready to move on to the top. I turned off the clippers, swapped the blade guard out for the longer 3/8" guard, and was ready to move on to the top of Zack's fuzzy head. Only my clippers didn't turn on. I turned them back off, removed the guard, and banged them a little on the counter, figuring his long hair had jammed the blade. That usually works. This time it didn't. I blew in them, brushed out all the hair I could, and still no action.

At this point I had the thought that the 2 clippers on one electrical outlet may have been a little much. Sure enough, on the other side of the kitchen I saw that the GFI switch had been tripped, so I pushed the rest button, returned to my clippers, and they turned on. Zachary was getting restless, so I jumped right back in to his haircut with a nice big swoop down the middle of his head. Mark's eyes suddenly got very serious.

Here's the problem: I had forgotten to replace the blade guard, and now my sweet little son was bald down to his scalp with a reverse-mohawk! My stomach churned. I had to make a quick decision. Which option would make me look less white-trash? To continue the haircut leaving a bald stripe on Zack's head, or to buzz it all down to 1/8" inch and start from scratch?

I opted for the short-all-over look. Fortunately Zachary's hair grows incredibly fast, and after only 10 days into his new look, you can't tell what happened. But for the first few days none of us could look at him without laughing out loud. It is sad to say, but he looked like a chemo baby, because what hair he had is completely white, so he looked totally bald. He didn't mind, though. The only time he knew something was wrong was when we went outside the next day to get in the car to go to church. He put his hand up on his head and said,"COLD!"