Bad Luck Charm

I know there is no such thing as "bad luck," and it is a good thing I do know that. Otherwise, I would be forced to believe that my life's unusual string of strange events would be a result of bad luck, the misalignment of the cosmos, or punishment for misdeeds in a past life.

For instance, when I order something online, there is a 75% chance I will have to return it. Not because it doesn't fit, or I don't like the color. Rather, it will be broken, have a hole in it or some other problem. This happened two days ago. I finally ordered a new mixer from amazon. The UPS guy brought it to the door and rang the bell. He usually does the drop and run. But this time he was actually standing there. The box had a 10" diameter hole punched in it, and I could see the mixer. He asked if it was OK, or if I wanted to refuse it. As this was a NEW mixer I had ordered to mine that had died prematurely, I didn't want to take a chance that whatever event led to the box's mutilation had also damaged the contents of that box. So I sent it back, and I'll get a new one next week. I know that my history of ordering cannot be normal, or internet commerce would cease to exist, not only from consumer frustration, but also from merchants going bankrupt returning 75% of everything sold.

If I have to make a guess between 2 things (true or false, left or right, yes or no), I will undoubtedly make the wrong selection.

Lately, I have noticed that I am bad luck to others around me. Not really, I know. But it is a bizarre string of coincidental events. Abram is a wrester. I try to make it to his matches, but I usually miss them by just a few minutes. The two matches that I actually made it to were times that the ref called him "pinned" although everyone in the gym could see that he was NOT pinned, or even close. Every other match he has had that I have not attended, he has not been pinned. So 2 weeks ago I made him a deal that I would NOT come to watch him. 3 pins in a row! After I picked him up after his last meet, I sang him a little song. You know the Elvis song "Good Luck Charm." I just changed the words a little:

Don't need to break a mirror,

or have a black cat cross my way.

Your luck is worse than anyone's on earth.

It's no wonder that I say,

Be my little bad luck charm,

woh-oh-oh you sweet delight.

I got a bad luck charm

Hanging on my arm

Glad she missed my meet tonight!

If I had a big tall ladder

I'd toss it across the bay.

Who needs a curse? I've got something worse.

So stay out of my way!

Abram thought it was funny. Seriously, I know it's just life that things happen. It just surprises me how frequently things happen to me.